THUNDER POO

This one will be short, I promise.  I figured I’d start the week off on the right foot.  At this very moment I have a log of shit so huge, in my ass, that it literally feels like I ate a midget while he was asleep, and he woke up, and is now punching his way through my intestinal track to get out the other end.  I am trying to figure out what the fuck I ate so as to never replicate this experience again.  In addition, I am not in a position nor in the location where I have facilities TO shit, so, essentially, I’m stuck.  I feel like I’m in some sweat shop in Bangladesh and I have a very specific job.  All I have to do is test butt plugs…on myself.  I test various different sizes from virgin asshole poppers to porn butt fisters.  My main testing objective is to determine if the shape of the butt plug is conducive to plugging butt, without losing the device inside the rectum completely.  You see, that is why, typically, butt plugs have that Mario Brothers Goomba shape, so that you won’t go, “OH SHIT! Ummmm… I…just…..lost… the butt plug.”  Cause I’ll tell you what, if you think it’s hard getting a butt plug IN to your butt…. try getting that motherfucker OUT after it shoots inside your anal cavity.  You may have to go child birth style on that thing with obstetrical forceps and a shit load of Vaseline.  You gotta turn that thing around, get a good grip, maybe put a leg or two on the hip bones of the victim as leverage, then yank that fucker out!  I’ll tell you what though; at least I’d be a hit at parties… [ME] “Hey you fucks, check out what I can do!” [PARTY GOER #1] “What’s Rusty doing? He’s just sitting on that black stool.  What’s so special about that?” [PARTY GOER #2] “Bro, that’s not a stool, that’s a giant butt plug.” [PARTY GOER #1] “Uhhh…what the fuck? Are you fucking serious?” [PARTY GOER #2] “Shhh…just watch he’s about to start, this shit’ll blow your mind..” [ME] “ Alright! Here…I…Goooouuuuuunnnngggghhhhhhhfffuuuuuucccckkkkkkkkkkkk!!!”