B&B FASHION

I haven’t told ya’ll about this, because I’ve been keeping it a secret until it’s unveiling, but I’m starting a company with its own fashion label.  I’m calling it B&B Fashion.  I’m tellin’ you, these threads are gonna be the hottest shit you’ve ever seen.  Move over cashmere, say “sayonara” to silk… I’m getting rid of the hum-drum and bringing in the yum-yum.  What makes my fashion line so special, you ask? Well, I currently create the fabric used for my fashion line on Isla Grande de Tierra del Fuego which is owned by Chile and Argentina, respectively.  The divided bureaucracies, being as they are, are a dream for lack of oversight of working standards.  I also produce the product on the Greek island of Alonissos, but in reality it can come from anywhere because it is so abundant. 

In my factory on Isla Grande, I have over 17,000 workers to whom I pay a reasonable wage of .20 cents a day with benefits such as free toilet usage, free water, and healthcare which consists of all the Tylenol and Airborne tablets they want.  In fact, I employ a large portion of the towns of Ushuaia and Porvenir, and Patitiri on Alonissos, as well.  Their jobs are simple, I have about 300 loom operators that take the raw material and weave it into thread and then into clothing.  The other 16,700 workers are those that collect the material.  They obtain this, the finest of all threads, directly from belly buttons of the indigenous population.  I have an army of people who, on a daily basis, like milking cows or collecting chicken eggs, harvest belly button lint (navel fluff if you’re Canadian), the finest fabric known to man. I recently had my loomers weave a pair of socks for me out of the combined lint of 32 people for a quality control test.  Those socks were so soft and supple that the moment I put them on, I ejaculated in my pants.  In fact, that is part of my pitch to the customer.  [Make sure to add a little happy jingle as you say it] “If you put on some BB socks, you’ll jizz out your cocks.”  Catchy ain’t it?  I’m not completely sure of the science involved, but my textilologist, Armando Chiaguapo Villegas, assures me that it’s the tight packing of the lint, combined with oils from the body, sweat, heat, and time.  That creates fabric that is smoother and more luxurious than silk and cashmere combined.  My line should be out in stores this fall keep your eyes peeled.