SHIT! I’ll tell you what; I bought a whole shitload of fresh roasted garlic with olive oil on it, like 3 fist full's worth, at the supermarket yesterday. I ate them ALL. They were so fuckin’ good. This morning and pretty much all day today I have had a school that requires a fair amount of concentration and finite hand coordination (you have a dirty ass mind, shut up). The gas produced by the quarter pound of roasted garlic built up in my system so quick and smelled so bad that I had to rush to the bathroom every half hour. I couldn’t concentrate the pressure pains were too much. Each time I ran to the toilet and hurriedly sat down, my ass cheeks were splayed open by the curvature of the seat cover’s design, and my sphincter didn’t even have a chance to flutter..BAM!! Like a shotgun!! (not even close to an exaggeration) the 75psi worth of gas in my bowels ejaculated out of my ass! (and yes that is an appropriate way to use that word, see you learned something today.. it’s not just for nut bustin’) How did I know it was the roasted garlic and olive oil that caused this half hourly turmoil? I could clearly see, just as you would corn, the WHOLE garlic cloves just as they went into my mouth but coming out the other end with such velocity as to chip the enamel of the porcelain toilet. Hell, I probably could have pulled them out of the toilet and ate them again they looked so similar to how they were just yesterday going into my mouth. I was actually concerned that someone might think I was making a snuff film in one of the stalls because it didn’t sound like I was farting/sharting AT ALL. The fart was quick and explosive and the sound (yes the sound) of the garlic cloves ricocheting off of the toilet bowl walls was so similar to a Mossberg 500 that if anyone was within ear shot I might be in jail right now.
Side note: Another way of using ejactulate is: He couldn’t take the child’s constant whining and bickering anymore and finally ejaculated, “Shut the fuck up or I’ll kick the fuck out of you!” (if you read old books, as I like to, you hear it used in this way a lot, still sounds weird though.)
Another note: I could have put Blade to shame today with the amount of vampires that would have gotten fucked up being anywhere near me.
I have wondered in the past what kind of force would it take for anal exhaust to launch a person into the air, and what that amount of force would do to a person's "o-ring." I think one thing we always had in common is just how fucking weird we were. R
ReplyDeleteEvery action has an equal and opposite reaction. I don't think the bowels or even the chest cavity of a human could withstand lift off. I think it'd blow your head off first like if you put liquid draino, water, and a ball of aluminum foil in a plastic bottle; something's gotta give, that fucker'll explode! Luckily, I blew out my original sphincter many years back and have a quick-disconnect o-ring insert. So, for cases like today I just snap a new one in place bickity-bam and I'm good to go.
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