CANDY BARS AND BUTT BABIES

I woke up this morning with a hankering for chocolate.  So, I lazily reached off the side of the bed into an old pair of jeans that I remembered had half of an old candy bar in it and BINGO!  As I was getting the squirreled away pseudo-melted candy bar I looked over at my baby in the crib.  I looked at my sleeping baby, then at the candy bar, then the baby again, and the candy bar again, baby, candy bar, baby, candy bar.  Then I had an epiphany.  For all those metro sexual husbands out there (Picture the movie “I love you Man”) that want to share in the experience of child birth but can’t, or have a wife that’s infertile, or they are sterile themselves, I have a solution.  Butt Babies! 

 Now, a women’s reproductive tract is a hostile environment, for sperm, to begin with.  It’s like taking  seventy- thousand 3 year olds, giving them Nerf guns, dropping them off on the beaches of Normandy on D-Day and saying “The Nazi’s are in those pill boxes on the cliffside, go gettum’ soldiers!”   The end result may make a great Dead Baby joke, but it’s a brutal environment, and that’s why very few sperm make it to fertilize the egg.  For women who want to be mothers but are having difficulties you have artificial insemination, surrogacy, fertility pills, etc. but even these methods aren’t always certain to produce.  

Once again, Butt Babies solves this dilemma! Very similar to artificial insemination, except you shove the fertilized egg up the husband’s ass and graft it to his rectal wall so the passing by bowel movements don’t take it away.  Kind of like a little spider pouch, if you’ve seen those, but in a guy’s ass.  The walls of the rectum are quite flexible and would easily facilitate a healthy, albeit shit covered, baby.  For all you naysayers, just go online, change your web search filter setting to NONE on Google, and type in “Brutal Anal.”  You will be a believer after that I assure you.  So, anyways, the baby grows and is excreted into the toilet or into a warm moist towel held by a wet nurse and voila! You have a brand new butt baby boy or girl!  Problem solved, and just think, this all came from a flattened, lint covered, three week old, partial Snickers bar. Life’s a funny thing.

Side Note: Yes, I know about Thomas Beatie, but my method involves ZERO surgery to accomplish.

Dead Baby Joke (cause you knew it was coming): 
J:  What’s grosser than ten dead babies nailed to a tree?

A: One dead baby nailed to ten trees.

**Dead baby joke courtesy of:  dead-baby-joke.com