I’m sure I’m not alone in this, but I absolutely love screaming at, cursing out, and hyper-analyzing every decision and comment made on the show House Hunters, particularly the International version. I find myself commending the good decisions of those that are savvy, who use common sense and a little imagination to see the property for what it is and could be. I also, on the other side of the coin, notice that when ANYONE bitches about the paint color on the walls, that it drives me into a caveman rage! I am smashing lamps, throwing milkshakes at the television, putting infants in submission head locks; I go NUTS! “You can just paint the walls you dumb fucking bitch! Shut the fuck up!” or “No, dumbfuck! The curtains with the pink flowers that aren’t to your specific taste are NOT a permanent fixture on the house, shut the fuck up!” ….that shit drives me fucking crazy.
I also, thoroughly enjoy making fun of the people on the show. I will critique any flaw on them as if I had none myself, as if I were the flesh and blood likeness of the statue David…oh wait, I am….but you get what I’m sayin’. If she has a mole on her face, if he has an effeminate voice and she a butch one to contrast it, if their children look like little fat shits that need to go on a diet, any flaw is free game. In public, I’m usually a very considerate person. In my home, however, I am a juggernaut of self esteem smashing destruction. If I was being secretly taped so that the buyers on House Hunters could review it for tips on buying strategies later, they’d fucking hang themselves or stab pencils in their ears to silence the barrage of hate being spewed forth. They’d purposefully set their children on fire rather than expose them to the years of counseling and debilitating anxiety that would surely follow such a soul smashing tirade laid upon their parents and family name.
Lastly, the morons that go to some bum fuck place like Gabala, Azerbaijan for some shitty little job that’s going nowhere and doesn’t pay shit. Then they are crushed when they find out that it’s customary in all Azerbaijanian homes to squat over and shit into a hole in the floor rather than a toilet, don’t have laundry machines, and the “master bedroom” doesn’t have a Jacuzzi. They for some reason assume that the 70K they have to buy a house will get them a mansion with a maid that will give you a rub down with a happy ending daily. Are you fucking retarded, seriously….. oh, yeah… you probably are…..You know why?....cause you’re moving to FUCKING AZER-FUCKING-BAIJAN!!
At least it’s a good show though…
I have a similar reaction over the paint thing. The other thing that really chaps my ass are the women who don't like to cook, have never cooked, but think the kitchen is too small in case they get a wild hair up their ass some unrealistic day in the future when they'll learn how to cook and actually want to cook.
ReplyDeleteAnd the people moving to another country or in a new place in the US, and want a nice big dining room to "entertain" - you don't know a Damn person where you are moving, so you are going to make your husband sacrifice something on his wish list so you can play host to imaginary friends?! No one even uses a dining room! Just because you're on tv doesn't mean you can pretend to be some stepford family where your kids sit around the dining room table each night telling you how swell their day was instead of watching tv while eating dinner like the rest of America.
The women always drive me the most nuts. Bitching about the most ridiculous things.
on both points: I know right?! That shit drives me insane, I always hope that the morons end up getting the shittiest of the three houses, just out of spite, cause they don't deserve to have the nice house someone with taste would have bought.
ReplyDeleteThat's funny - because whenever I don't like a family or a couple or find them annoying, I always hope they buy the house that is over their budget just so I know they'll be house poor.
ReplyDeleteSo true, so true. I wish incredible ill will upon them. I want them to not be able to make the payments, go bankrupt, lose the house, and end up on the show Hoarders in some trailer park with 75 live cats/35 dead ones all underneath mounds of tissue paper from all the tears they've been crying because they are such dumbshits.
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