#1 or #2 in the bathroom? For women, it's #3.

So, I was with my friend the other day discussing why it is that you never notice when women go to the bathroom, or fart, or anything for that matter.  You never hear a woman saying “hey, hold up, I gotta go drop some kids off at the pool before we go to the party” or “I’ve got mud butt, lemme go and scoop the chocolate valley and we’ll bounce after that.” Why is that?  Are they shit ninjas?  Are they conforming to a societal norm of some sort saying women should be demure and discreet in such matters?  I don’t think it’s either.   Everyone knows the terms #1 and #2.  Number 1, having been coined as urination, and the latter being defecation.   I have recently discovered that women…. have a third option.  Oh yeah!  I know your secret ladies.  Just as everyone sweats out of their pores during exercise, women have the ability to excrete out their pores, as well, gradually throughout the day.  It sounds crazy I know, but it’s absolutely true.  The way you need to picture this business is like this: remember back in the day when Play Dough had the Play Dough Hair Factory toy?  It was essentially a meat grinder that you shoved your Play Dough into and got clay hair.  Pore excretion is the same principle, except the fecal strands that are expelled out of women’s pores are spider web thin.  That is why you never notice them.  The average human has over 4 million pores on their body.  If you were to spread a log of poo, over a 24 hour span, out of that many pores… you’d never even know or smell.  Ladies, I commend you for keeping this a secret for so long.  I am actually quite envious to be honest with you.  If I had that gift then the jalapeno covered tacos that I ate last night would have resulted in a mild sunburn sensation.  Instead, I had to endure the excruciating excretion in one shot and won’t be able to sit right for a week.