AMAZONIAN ASS HAIR ON ARBOR DAY

I have found that in order to trim ass crack hair, and ladies don’t look at me obtusely like you don’t do it too, I have to perform a complex set of maneuvers.  To begin with, I feel that I should be honest with you.  I don’t trim/shave my ass hair very often.  Usually, it’s only for an anniversary or a Bar Mitzvah (I’m not Jewish, but why not, it’s an excuse) or because it’s Arbor Day (I’m environmentally conscious).  So anyways, you can’t just shove a Schick Quattro up your ass crack and expect magic.  You may get the tree tops of the Amazon but you won’t even be close to clearing the forest and kicking out the Natives to make room for your condominiums unless you get creative.

 I find that climbing completely onto the sink top itself, turning around, and facing my ass towards the mirror is the best approach.  I can then begin to bend over at this point.  You must, however, be extremely careful as you are top heavy and slightly off balance on that thin sink rim.  You can easily topple right off the sink and go through the bathroom door.  I managed to do this last Arbor Day and ended up smashing through the door like the Kool-Aid Man “OH YEAH!”, and knocking myself unconscious with my Quattro imbedded in my left ass cheek.  It was quite embarrassing, as my whole GREEN ECO-FIGHTERS CLUB group was there at the time having tea and strumpets before a rally on a local non-recycling 7-Eleven.  Needless to say, I was barred from the group as they found out that I was not full time Au Natural in the butt crack department….a lot of Oregonians and Northern Californians in that group.

 So, back to ass crack hair… you’re bent over looking at your pucker pipe from between your legs.  You then cock one leg up on the towel rack and begin to take on the briar patch.  Get it all, might as well, get the dingle berries, the taint trap, and the chocolate valley….hell, and even get those little strays that linger around the starfish.   When you’re done you’ll have a back end that’s as smooth as shark’s skin and will be the envy of all your friends.