HOME MADE VIDEO USING MSPAINT (just for fun)

SOUL SMASHING JUGGERNAUT

I’m sure I’m not alone in this, but I absolutely love screaming at, cursing out, and hyper-analyzing every decision and comment made on the show House Hunters, particularly the International version.  I find myself commending the good decisions of those that are savvy, who use common sense and a little imagination to see the property for what it is and could be.  I also, on the other side of the coin, notice that when ANYONE bitches about the paint color on the walls, that it drives me into a caveman rage!  I am smashing lamps, throwing milkshakes at the television, putting infants in submission head locks; I go NUTS!  “You can just paint the walls you dumb fucking bitch! Shut the fuck up!”  or  “No, dumbfuck! The curtains with the pink flowers that aren’t to your specific taste are NOT a permanent fixture on the house, shut the fuck up!”  ….that shit drives me fucking crazy.   

I also, thoroughly enjoy making fun of the people on the show.  I will critique any flaw on them as if I had none myself, as if I were the flesh and blood likeness of the statue David…oh wait, I am….but you get what I’m sayin’.  If she has a mole on her face, if he has an effeminate voice and she a butch one to contrast it, if their children look like little fat shits that need to go on a diet, any flaw is free game.  In public, I’m usually a very considerate person.  In my home, however, I am a juggernaut of self esteem smashing destruction.  If I was being secretly taped so that the buyers on House Hunters could review it for tips on buying strategies later, they’d fucking hang themselves or stab pencils in their ears to silence the barrage of hate being spewed forth.  They’d purposefully set their children on fire rather than expose them to the years of counseling and debilitating anxiety that would surely follow such a soul smashing tirade laid upon their parents and family name.   

Lastly, the morons that go to some bum fuck place like Gabala, Azerbaijan for some shitty little job that’s going nowhere and doesn’t pay shit.  Then they are crushed when they find out that it’s customary in all Azerbaijanian homes to squat over and shit into a hole in the floor rather than a toilet, don’t have laundry machines, and the “master bedroom” doesn’t have a Jacuzzi.  They for some reason assume that the 70K they have to buy a house will get them a mansion with a maid that will give you a rub down with a happy ending daily.  Are you fucking retarded, seriously….. oh, yeah… you probably are…..You know why?....cause you’re moving to FUCKING   AZER-FUCKING-BAIJAN!!

At least it’s a good show though…