So Rawbee and I decided we needed some extra cash so that we could buy some fly clothes and a new car to take bitches out to the clubs. We were thinking about that shit for awhile an then suddenly an idea hit me! I would go be a bartender at this gay club downtown called the CHOKING CHICKEN. Since I know I’m totally not gay it’d be a piece of cake. All I’d have to do is pour drinks for those flamers and pretend like I was gay, you know, flirting and shakin’ my butt and shit, what ever those gay boys do, and I’d be makin’ so many fucking tips it’d be crazy! Then Rawbee came up with an idea too. He’d go be a stripper at a gay strip club. I was like “Hell, yeah brotha’, those queers will finally see how a REAL man dances, instead of that limp wristed sissy dancing they do!” Rawbee figured he’d just do the helicopter with his dick a couple times and pick up a champagne glass with his butt cheeks, or whatever they’re into, and he’d make MAD money! So, by the end of the week we were rolling in dough just like we had predicted!
[ME] “Yo! This shit was the perfect plan! I made so much damn money at that bar. I made it rain dolla’ bills on them fools.”
[RAWBEE] “Bro, I’ll bet that I’ve got you beat. Just my tips on Thursday alone at the BLACK STALLION STRIP CLUB probably topped your WHOLE week’s worth.
[ME] “ I dunno bout that, I was doing this shit called THE DRINKING FOUNTAIN, and those fags loved it! I’d sit on the bar, you know, with just my thong on as usual, then I’d lean back and pour champagne onto my neck and it’d run down my chest and stomach, hit my belly button, and shoot out into some gay motherfucker’s mouth who was there waiting.”
[RAWBEE] “Dumb queers probably got turned on by the shit, I’ll bet.”
[ME] “Damn right they did! This one dude, after drinking some of the champagne fountain, starting running his tongue from my belly button all the way to my neck where I was pouring it at.”
[RAWBEE] “AH MAN! That’s SO GAY!”
[ME] “I know right?! But check this out. When the fruit finally licked his way all the way up to my neck, he looked into my eyes as I was still pouring and I said to him, I’LL BET YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE LICKIN’ UP ON ANOTHER FAG DIDN’T YOU? WELL GUESS AGAIN! CAUSE THIS..GUY…AIN’T…QUEER! HA!
[RAWBEE] “Hahaa! Oh shit son! I bet he wasn’t expecting that shit was he!?”
[ME] “Ha ha, hell no he wasn’t. He gave me this look like I was just playin’ or somethin’ but he knew he fucked up!”
[RAWBEE] “Ah man, that shit’s funny as fuck, but I gotchu beat!”
[ME] “For real? Cause that shit was pretty fuckin’ gay.”
[RAWBEE] “It was, but check this out. So I was doin this trick that these homos love called the LEMON DROP BEE BOP, where I Velcro a wine glass filled with a Lemon Drop Mojito onto the dance floor, I slide down the stripper pole with my legs spread wide onto the glass, I keep sliding down until the wine glass is up my ass to the stem, then I twirl on the pole until I’m upside down, the mojito pours into my ass, I twirl around again, placing the glass back on the dance floor with the drink still inside my ass and then stand up. I then do a little dance to tease those fags some more, after that I squat back over the wine glass and pee the mojito back out of my ass into it, then drink it. Those sick fucks go totally gay boy over that shit! That’s how I make the mad money!
[ME] “Damn bro, that shit is nuts! To think you’ve got all those flaming cocksuckers thinking, that WHOLE TIME, that you are some butt pirate JUST LIKE THEM. I’m actually impressed.
[RAWBEE] “It’s crazy how dumb they are. I’ve got them all fooled. I even had this one queer come up to get my autograph.”
[ME] “What an idiot! Please tell me you signed some crazy shit to make him feel stupid.”
[RAWBEE] “Shit, you know me. I signed: YOU JUST GOT PUNKED BY A STRAIGHT DUDE! HOW YOU LIKE THEM APPLES! WITH LOVE, THE UNGAY BOYS!”
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