The Phantom Methane Pod Race is when you do a little fart and that gas rolls into a 4mm sized gas ball as it tries to escape while compressed between the butt cheeks and the other fleshy crotch landscape features. The gas ball rolls out of the sphincter, up through the butt cheeks, and then hits the taint run (which is the flat out portion of the race track consisting of the length of the taint). Then up to the bottom cusp of the scrotum (or Labia Majora for you lady racers) which is the finish line where the gas ball slams into and pops signaling the winner. I had two such gas balls that came out of my asshole, both jockeying for position. I couldn’t see the race, obviously, but the sensitive nerves of my treasure trove are what indicated the progress of this fast paced methane laced Taintooine pod race. Like a blind and deaf man getting a prostate exam, you never really know when it’s done until it’s done but it’s exhilarating while it’s happening and such a relief when it’s over. Along with the competitive excitement that comes from something akin to seeing Sea Biscuit win a race it also feels awesome as well. Now, having just one gas ball is a rare event as is but two balls is almost unheard of. I was so ecstatic that I almost wanted to clench my cheeks just to slow the race down but those balls are fast tricky little fucks and I soon realized I had little control over it. I could only sit back and enjoy the race in all its glory.
