The Phantom Methane Pod Race is when you do a little fart and that gas rolls into a 4mm sized gas ball as it tries to escape while compressed between the butt cheeks and the other fleshy crotch landscape features. The gas ball rolls out of the sphincter, up through the butt cheeks, and then hits the taint run (which is the flat out portion of the race track consisting of the length of the taint). Then up to the bottom cusp of the scrotum (or Labia Majora for you lady racers) which is the finish line where the gas ball slams into and pops signaling the winner. I had two such gas balls that came out of my asshole, both jockeying for position. I couldn’t see the race, obviously, but the sensitive nerves of my treasure trove are what indicated the progress of this fast paced methane laced Taintooine pod race. Like a blind and deaf man getting a prostate exam, you never really know when it’s done until it’s done but it’s exhilarating while it’s happening and such a relief when it’s over. Along with the competitive excitement that comes from something akin to seeing Sea Biscuit win a race it also feels awesome as well. Now, having just one gas ball is a rare event as is but two balls is almost unheard of. I was so ecstatic that I almost wanted to clench my cheeks just to slow the race down but those balls are fast tricky little fucks and I soon realized I had little control over it. I could only sit back and enjoy the race in all its glory.
So exactly who is your audience here, Rusty? You apparently have a bottomless pit of crazy ass shit that spawns from your brain, and very few others have had the guts to reply to it.
ReplyDeleteWell, I am glad you have replied. My audience? You know, I can't say that I haven't thought about it. Most come by accident. They Google “Man found dead in rigor mortis state after being killed in dog rampage” looking for that unfortunate story, that I’m sure everyone has heard of by now, about the poor Guatemalan man killed by a pack of feral dogs on Cinco de Mayo. Unbeknownst to him he had just been guided to my Blog about an encounter I had with a man named Faraji, in (RIGOR MORTIS DOG RAMPAGE, 7OCT2011). It describes his struggle against a Ugandan death squad trying to kill him and how he had to fight his way out with the rigor mortis stiff dead dogs that lay strewn about him. Now, that gentleman can always go back and change the wording of his Google search to better isolate the Guatemalan man story but he now is that much wiser having read my encounter as well. I try to provide a service by laying my experiences, thoughts, observances, and quirks out on the table bare for all to see. My hope is that my audience, in varying degrees, can appreciate what I have to offer. I give an insight into things that many of us either observe or, in fact, do ourselves but never tell anyone such as (PHANTOM METHANE POD RACING, 2MAY2012), of which I have actually confirmed that I am not the only one that is a rootin’ tootin’ racer.
ReplyDeleteI can act as a public service announcement about such things as not trying to trim your ass hair in the mirror while standing on the bathroom sink (AMAZONIAN ASS HAIR ON ARBOR DAY, 27JULY2011).
I can appeal to those looking to raise awareness of Gay, Lesbian, Transgender, and Transpecies rights as well as helping to bridge the gap between the Gays and Straights as I tried to display in the UNGAY BOYS series.
I can help mend relationships between couples or at least excepting a loss and moving on by openly discussing my own past relationships such as with my flesh eating Zombie girlfriend (MY ZOMBIE LATINA, 10OCT2011)
My hope is that my audience is as passionate as I am about discovery and furthering their self development, and is tired of the same ol’ crap on T.V. and the same ol’ garbage conversations about bland and replayed humor. This Blog is about my life in all its glory.
Thanks for reading.
HA HA HA! I guess it would be a pleasant surprise for someone to Google something like RIGOR + MORTIS + DOG and accidently come accross your blog. I am sure there are many that are quietly drawing strength from your "public service announcements." Keep up the good work.
ReplyDeleteLOL, all it takes it the wrong set of words in a GOOGLE search to reach the right type of information. My audience may not necessarily have had the same experiences as me but after reading these post may say "you know what? Maybe I will try jacking off to reverse cowboy tranny porn instead of the same ol' girl on girl lesbo action." You never know I could be inspiring people to live a fuller life. That's my hope at least. Thanks for commenting.
ReplyDeleteGoogled taintooine and this was the only result, nit disappointed.
ReplyDelete