MILK ME MATH

After reaching ejaculatory climax this morning I got to thinking….  How much have I ejaculated since I started masturbating?  I figured that I must have busted enough nuts to repopulate the entire population of the United States.  So I sat down and went through the math.

AVERAGE VOLUME OF SEMEN PER EJACULATE:  About 2 milliliters to 6 milliliters. So lets just split that and say that my average ejaculate is about 4 milliliters.

NUMBER OF TIMES OF DAY:  With that number (4 ml) I will take the EXTREMELY low ball number of one time a day.  (My record in one day is 13 times just to give you an idea of how low ball once a day is but that’s a story for another day)

AMOUNT OF EJACULATE PER WEEK:  4 ml X 7 days a week = 28 ml

AMOUNT OF EJACULATE PER MONTH:  28 ml X 4 weeks = 112 ml

AMOUNT OF EJACULATE PER YEAR: 112 ml X 12 months = 1344 ml (keep in mind that a one liter bottle of soda is 1000 ml)

AMOUNT OF EJACULATE SINCE I WAS 12 years old (roughly when I started full time): 1344 ml X 22 years = 29,568 ml  (That’s over 29 full one liter bottles full of semen).

APPROXIMATE AMOUNT OF SPERM PRODUCED SINCE I WAS 12 YEARS OLD: 28,568ml X 280 million (average amount of sperm per ejaculate) = 8,279,040,000,000 (8.27 Trillion sperm)

CURRENT UNITED STATES POPULATION AS OF TODAY: 314,189,172 (over 324 million)

CURRENT WORLD POPULATION AS OF TODAY:  7,033,713,687 (over 7 Billion people)

So after doing the math I could easily repopulate the entire United States population and potentially the entire World population by myself.  So ladies, since the Mayan calendar proves that the World is going to end in December of 2012, how bout it?  I am ready and willing to fill your gas tanks, top off your reservoir, plug your dyke, be the pig in your blanket, stuff your turkey, pack your bags, lube your gears, cream coat your cookies, butter your bread, plaster your pelvic girdle, soak your spunge, circumnavigate your cervix, flog your fallopian tubes, baste your baby maker, over-easy your eggs, dredge your canal, if you know what I mean….  Repopulate the United States?  Shit, I wouldn’t even break a sweat but the child support would be a bitch!

***Just as a side note if I were to have been donating sperm and getting paid for it I calculated that too.  

AVERAGE AMOUNT PAID PER SPERM DONATION: $40 dollars to $206 dollars (So I realize my sperm, being obviously of a superior stock, would be at the high end, but lets just go with the low ball amount of $40 dollars)

AMOUNT OF EJACULATE SINCE I WAS 18 YEARS OLD (of legal age to sell my baby gravy) = 1344 ml (yearly amount) X 16 years= 24, 192 ml

AMOUNT OF SINGLE SERVINGS OF EJACULATE SINCE 18 YEARS OLD: 24,192 divided by 4(ml)= 6,048 times

AMOUNT OF MONEY MADE SINCE I WAS OF LEGAL AGE (18 years old) AT THE RATE OF $40 DOLLARS PER NUT:  6,048 times ejaculated since 18 years old X $40 dollars =   $241,920 dollars!!!  What the fuck!!  To think I could have been cashing in this whole time!  Shit, I better start saving those happy socks cause they are all worth at least a $1,000 each!