So my buddy, from work, and I were talking about how utterly and completely heterosexual we are. How we epitomize manliness at every level all the way to our core. We set the standard for straight-as-an-arrow masculinity. In fact, we are so purely hetero male and completely comfortable in our own sexuality that we do things just to PROVE that we are über straight. I, myself, at least once a week, go to the Rainbow Cactus Club and pick up the first guy I see, get him to buy me a drink, and then take him home and either bang him in the ass or let him bang me, you know, whatever! I do this because I am SO absolutely sure of my heterosexuality that I test my metal with a gay man every week just so I can say, after getting that nut busted in my face by Hansel, the Norwegian exchange student, “Yep, I totally knew it, definitely still Hetero, just like I thought.” The next day I come to work and bullshit with my buddy about it. We’ll say shit like:
[ME] “Bro, I was jackin’ this dude off last night, at my place, and he busted such a huge nut in my mouth that I could barely say the words: GET OUT OF MY HOUSE YOU FAG, CAUSE I AIN’T GAY LIKE YOU!”
[RAWBEE] “No shit? Aw man, yeah I got fucked in the ass last night by this gay ass Brazilian dancer, I was like, YOU HOMOS CAN’T FUCK AT ALL CAN YOU? YOU GONNA BUST A NUT OR WHAT?”
[ME] “Oh shit, that’s hilarious!”
[RAWBEE] “I know right. So this dude FINALLY shoots his wad in my ass and I was like, ABOUT TIME GAY BOY! NOW GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE, CAUSE GUESS WHAT, I AIN’T GAY! SURPRISE!!”
[ME] “Ha Ha, you told that motherfucker!”
[RAWBEE] “Shit, I wish you were with me on Saturday night. I had this one dude’s dick down my throat all the way to my tonsils. I mean, I was starting to lose consciousness due to lack of oxygen. Then I gagged, pulled his cock out, and threw up all over his sneakers. Right after that I looked up at him, laughed, and said, I BET YOU THINK I’M LOOKING UP AT YOU CAUSE I’M GONNA SAY SOMETHING SEXY RIGHT? WELL, GUESS AGAIN! CAUSE THIS GUY AIN’T QUEER!”
[ME] “Oh Shit bro, you actually said that shit?! That’s awesome! Ha Ha! You’re SO not gay and that dumbass probably didn’t even realize it!”
[RAWBEE] “I know right? What a dumbass! Dude, it’s ridiculous how UN-GAY we are.”
[ME] “You’re right about that brotha, let’s go to the REAL club tonight and bang some hot chicks!”
[RAWBEE] “Hell yeah bro!”
