FUGLY FAMILY TREE PEDIGREE

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HOT ROMANIAN TWINS (PART DOUĂ)

(Conversation continued from Part One)

[ME] So, I’m still having a hard time wrapping my head around this.  Let’s say Ioana is giving her boyfriend a BJ?  What are you doing, Stefania, while she’s doing that?  Are you playing fucking Scrabble or something?  I mean seriously!

[Stefania] Well, I have always enjoyed playing the flute and the saxophone.  It’s actually the perfect time for me to practice my music as I can’t do much else.

[Ioana] Yeah, and when Stefania is playing her music it’s almost like me and my boyfriend have our very own soundtrack and Stefania gets time to practice for her recitals.

[ME] Well, what if..um…Ioana’s boyfriend…isn’t…..how should I put this?.... accurate.  I’d think that’d wreck your concentration a little bit, Stefania, not to mention fuck up your hair.

[Ioana] Sometimes it happens; we’ve come to accept it.  Besides, Stefania’s boyfriend couldn’t hit the side of a barn if he was 4 inches from it. 

[Stefania] he he he, that’s true…

[ME] You’re telling me that while Ioana is BJ-ing her boyfriend you are jamming away with your music, completely oblivious to what’s going on 2 inches from your nose?  You know girls; I have to tell you….this shit blows my mind.  I mean you say you don’t feel each other up or anything sexual like that but what about in the shower? Ioana, you have the right arm and Stefania has the left arm.  I’m sorry, but someone is rubbing titties and someone is rubbin’ coochy, there’s just no way around that.  You can’t tell me that there ain’t some tinglin’ goin on, some thunder down under when you soap each other up in the shower….you know what I’m sayin’?!... It’s like when I play that game THE STRANGER where I sit on my hand until it’s numb, then jack off, it’s like someone else is doing it.

[Ioana] You’re stupid Rusty, but alright I admit it, I HAVE felt up Stefania while she was asleep a couple times…

[ME] jack pot….

[Stefania] Ioana! How could you!  If you were feeling me up in my sleep then what about all those times you said your nipples itched and you needed them repeatedly pinched?  Was that….?

[Ioana] Yes, Stefania.  I’m sorry.

[Stefania] Well, I guess it’s okay…it WAS kinda fun, I suppose….

[ME] Are we about to get it on?

[Ioana and Stefania in unison] Shut up Rusty!  I think it’s time for you to go, now scoot!

Alright, so I’m a little off my game when it comes to these Siamese Twins but I have another set of twins that are even better than these two chicks.  She’s / They're crazy; she has one body but two heads with each side of the body controlled independently by its respective head.    Stay tuned for that one…… 

HOT ROMANIAN TWINS

I know I’ve never told you this, but I used to be ONE of TWO Siamese twins.  Yep, you heard me right.  Weird hu?  Well, fortunately we didn’t share any vital organs as we were joined at the genitals sharing only ONE penis and three testicles.  My brother Dusty, as fate turned out, got the short end of the stick, literally.  Let’s just say that Dusty was able to get his wife pregnant but had to use a Medela breast milk pump and a turkey baster.  So, anyways, we were fortunate, but for those Siamese twins connected at the head, hip, rib cage, or any other non-surgically operable part of the body….what is their life like?  Haven’t you ever wondered?  Hell, I AM a fucking Siamese twin and I’m curious! So you DEFINETLY should be!  So I hooked up with a set of Siamese twins online who happened to live in Cluj-Napoca, Romania.  After the long flight, I landed and met them at a local eatery, had a few kürtös kalács, and got to talking.  Their names were Ioana and Stefania.  Both girls were connected at the head (side of the temple both facing forward for the most part) and connected at the ribcage.  I was curious, so I just started asking questions:

[Me] So, when you get horny what happens?  Are you allowed to get each other off?  ...because you ARE sisters but technically you COULD also be considered the same person as you share a brain, a heart, a lung, and a breast.

[Ioana] Shut up Rusty, that’s gross, we don’t feel each other up.  If we want to masturbate we just do it on our own, but not to each other.

[Stefania] Yeah, I’ll just put on my IPOD or watch a movie while she does her thing.

[Me] Really?  Cause that’s kinda hard to ignore, even your peripheral vision would have to catch a little bit of it.  Plus, what if Ioana gets really saucy and starts climaxing?  You’re connected at the fucking head and chest! Her undulating would totally fuck up the Danielle Steel novel you’re trying to read or the ending of your True Blood episode.

[Ioana and Stefania in unison] We just make it work; let’s move on to something else.

[Me] Alright, what about men?  You both are definitely two hot Romanian chick(s) so have you ever, you know, hooked up with a dude or dudes?

[Ioana] I have a boyfriend right now and he…

[Me] Whoa, hold the fuck on.  You just confused me.  So, if Ioana has a boyfriend, that she fucks, doesn’t that technically make him YOUR boyfriend too, Stefania?

[Stefania] Not if I have MY own boyfriend, which I do.

[Me] Uuuuuhhhh……soooo…… that’s like a quad-way in the bedroom.  That’s fucking awesome! Are they tag teaming, switching places, is it like a relay race and they hand off the KY jelly when they switch?

[Ioana and Stefania in unison] What do we look like Rusty? We aren’t sluts; each of our boyfriends has sex with their own partner.

[Me] Of course, of course.  I’m sorry.  How absurd of me to even think something like that.  Alright, well then….. which one of your boyfriend’s shares the middle of your three tits?..........

Side Note: There’s more to this conversation, I just had to cut it short…. until next time.