UN GAY BOYS 3 (SEXTING)

Late night text conversation between Me and my buddy Hobart.

Rusty [10:42] Hey can you bring your laptop for Tuesday's seminar.  Also, you need to come out of the closet already...

Hobart: [10:43]  I can do that… And for your information I am out of the closet…

Rusty [10:44] LOL, Bout time!!!

Hobart [10:45] I followed your lead.

Rusty [10:51] I’ve lead you to the promise land.  Now u can blow, suck and fuck all over the place with no attachments.  Plus you’ll get rich cause all gay guys are rich like that guy in the movie “The Jackal” that Bruce Willis meets at the club, seduces, kisses, eats his Chinese food, and shoots in the chest.

Hobart [10:52] Are you saying I’m gonna get shot in the chest?  Or catch shots in the mouth?

Rusty [10:54] I’m gonna coat ur tonsils in man milk and then kick u six feet deep in ur chest to make u swallow it.

Hobart [10:55] Well the joke’s on you because I would have swallowed it any way…

Rusty [11:00] Actually, the joke is on u because I have the rare talent of reverse ejaculation.  I can create a vacuum in my scrotum and my penis goes from shooting to sucking like a shop vac! Uh Oh, somebody just got their jizz back! Nice try, fag!

Hobart [11:02] I’m not the fag.. You’re the one who is fantasizing about me sucking your dick!

Rusty [11:02] It isn’t fantasizing it’s predicting.

Hobart [11:03] This year’s South American Humanitarian Society conference will be fun with both of us there.

Rusty [11:07] Won’t be there gay boy u’ll have to suck Thomas’ fat little Vienna sausage dick instead.

Hobart [11:08] Where will you be?

Rusty [11:09] At your uncle’s house.

Hobart [11:10] I don’t have an Uncle…

Rusty [11:12] Then who the hell’s house am I at right now?  He said he was ur Uncle and he was gonna comp me a free massage because I knew u.  That’s why I’m naked sitting in a kiddie pool full of KY.

Hobart[11:13] Fag.

Hobart [11:14] If it was my Uncle it would be astro glyde… The preferred anal sex lube.

Rusty [11:17] I was on welfare before the job that I’m in now, so food stamps only bought me jars of cold coagulated turkey fat that I had to preheat and inject into my ass.  Life was tough back then I wasn't gonna let the man keep me down, a real G's gotta live life to the fullest u know what I’m sayin’…?

Hobart [11:27] Does that mean you love me?

Rusty [11:29] U complete me.  We’re like the Wonder Twins, we can’t transform into the form of a refrigerator, teacup, or a pterodactyl until we touch penis tips.

Hobart [11:33] When can this happen, I’m game!

Rusty [11:35] I got a half chub right now just need the go ahead.

Hobart [11:36] Go.

Rusty [11:36] I’m already there.

Hobart [11:39] I’m cumming on you.

Rusty [11:40] Doesn’t feel like it, but I’ll take ur word for it… oh wait.. oh, okay, there it is, ah shit right in my eye!

Hobart [11:42] Quit being a bitch and take it.

Rusty [11:44] Now my eye is gonna be red all day, fuck u, I’m outta here.

Hobart [11:45] Love you…

Rusty [11:46] Love you too..

Hobart [11:47] Fag..

HOT ROMANIAN TWINS

I know I’ve never told you this, but I used to be ONE of TWO Siamese twins.  Yep, you heard me right.  Weird hu?  Well, fortunately we didn’t share any vital organs as we were joined at the genitals sharing only ONE penis and three testicles.  My brother Dusty, as fate turned out, got the short end of the stick, literally.  Let’s just say that Dusty was able to get his wife pregnant but had to use a Medela breast milk pump and a turkey baster.  So, anyways, we were fortunate, but for those Siamese twins connected at the head, hip, rib cage, or any other non-surgically operable part of the body….what is their life like?  Haven’t you ever wondered?  Hell, I AM a fucking Siamese twin and I’m curious! So you DEFINETLY should be!  So I hooked up with a set of Siamese twins online who happened to live in Cluj-Napoca, Romania.  After the long flight, I landed and met them at a local eatery, had a few kürtös kalács, and got to talking.  Their names were Ioana and Stefania.  Both girls were connected at the head (side of the temple both facing forward for the most part) and connected at the ribcage.  I was curious, so I just started asking questions:

[Me] So, when you get horny what happens?  Are you allowed to get each other off?  ...because you ARE sisters but technically you COULD also be considered the same person as you share a brain, a heart, a lung, and a breast.

[Ioana] Shut up Rusty, that’s gross, we don’t feel each other up.  If we want to masturbate we just do it on our own, but not to each other.

[Stefania] Yeah, I’ll just put on my IPOD or watch a movie while she does her thing.

[Me] Really?  Cause that’s kinda hard to ignore, even your peripheral vision would have to catch a little bit of it.  Plus, what if Ioana gets really saucy and starts climaxing?  You’re connected at the fucking head and chest! Her undulating would totally fuck up the Danielle Steel novel you’re trying to read or the ending of your True Blood episode.

[Ioana and Stefania in unison] We just make it work; let’s move on to something else.

[Me] Alright, what about men?  You both are definitely two hot Romanian chick(s) so have you ever, you know, hooked up with a dude or dudes?

[Ioana] I have a boyfriend right now and he…

[Me] Whoa, hold the fuck on.  You just confused me.  So, if Ioana has a boyfriend, that she fucks, doesn’t that technically make him YOUR boyfriend too, Stefania?

[Stefania] Not if I have MY own boyfriend, which I do.

[Me] Uuuuuhhhh……soooo…… that’s like a quad-way in the bedroom.  That’s fucking awesome! Are they tag teaming, switching places, is it like a relay race and they hand off the KY jelly when they switch?

[Ioana and Stefania in unison] What do we look like Rusty? We aren’t sluts; each of our boyfriends has sex with their own partner.

[Me] Of course, of course.  I’m sorry.  How absurd of me to even think something like that.  Alright, well then….. which one of your boyfriend’s shares the middle of your three tits?..........

Side Note: There’s more to this conversation, I just had to cut it short…. until next time.