I’ve got something I gotta get off my chest. I pussed out. I did. I had this grand plan of getting surgery to remove my genitals and install a motor controller box for a pneumatic penis assembly, but I chickened out. My whole plan, as I had outlined in (Pneumatic Erotica pt.1 28JUL2011), was to cryogenically preserve my genitalia in a jar for future use. I didn’t want my penis and balls to lose their virility due to old age. So, I figured that around the age of 102 years old I’d have them thawed out and reattached so that I could continue impregnating 20 year old college students for years to come. The pneumatic assembly that would be installed into my groin, in the meantime, would suffice until that time came and still allow me to be fully functional and possibly even ENHANCED in the bedroom. As the assembly had a quick-disconnect fitting, which was the only thing protruding out of the skin, I could attach any number of devices to it. Attachments that act like a jack hammer where I wouldn’t even have to move and neither would she; another that satisfies every possible orifice of her body all at once; and yet another that would comb her hair and braid it while violating her anus; and yet another still that would give me a massage, and her a massage, and the other girl who joined in a massage, while punching a dude in his mouth, while jacking off a parrot. Hell, if I wanted to I could hook up a pneumatic hose from my nub to my nail gun for roofing or my impact wrench for taking my car tires off. Those are the kinds of bad ass attachments that the pneumatic assembly would have been capable of accommodating. Like I said, though, I pussed out. I couldn’t go through with it.
The funny thing is my brother Dusty, as you all read a little bit about in (HOT ROMANIAN TWINS 16AUG2011) kind of got the short end of the stick in life, if you know what I mean. He’s somewhat inadequate. My brother, however, unlike me, apparently isn’t a pussy. This last weekend, I found out, he actually went and got the surgery. He’s recovering right now in the hospital and in good health. They are currently running diagnostics on his equipment such as speed checks, voltage tolerances, pneumatic line pressure checks, etc. Now… he DID get the surgery, but I ALSO found out that it wasn’t exactly voluntary. You see, my brother Dusty is, and always has been, an apotemnophiliac (someone who gets pleasure from self amputation or fulfillment from having limbs or body parts amputated). He was just a toes guy at first, but having gotten down to only his big toe on his left foot in less than a week, I told him he might want to keep that one for balance at least, if anything, and slow down a little. He would use a hammer and chisel to take his toes down digit by digit, and got off on it, but it never seemed to be enough for him. Now, from what I’ve gathered, he got impatient just amputating his toes and decided to just go straight for the brass ring. He took a hack saw to his dick and a sledge hammer to his balls. Next thing he remembers is waking up in the hospital with nothing but a metal nub sticking out where his dick was and the Platinum Pussy Puncturer model of Pneumatic assemblies, the best on the market, installed. He can thank his wife for that; she found him on the bed all fucked up and unconscious and called the ambulance. They replaced what was beef jerky instead of gonads and now he’s a new man. He couldn’t be happier. He is also cured, apparently, of his amputation fetish. I guess smashing your balls to paste and cutting your dick off will do that to a man. Fuck Zoloft right?
