UNI-PEDE RECYCLER

As a fervent and almost militant environmentalist, I always strive to not only create awareness but demonstrate new ideas to inspire others.  I have been carrying some extra body fat lately that I wanted to lose.  While watching the movie The Human Centipede I came up with a brilliant idea.  The idea would not only help me lose the excess weight but would be a bold and innovative way of demonstrating environmental consciousness through recycling.  For two weeks I would attach myself to myself, ass to mouth.  I would become a Human Uni-pede or Solo-pede as it’s called in Brazil.  I’d look kind of like those bugs in the M.C. Escher drawing.  This would serve two purposes.  First, I would maximize my body’s ability to absorb the most nutrients possible from each meal.  25% of food’s  nutrients are typically not absorbed by the body and are simply wasted down the toilet.  I would be able to, through re-digesting my own waste, absorb up to 98 % of nutrients from each meal.  Let’s see those kids in Ethiopia be THAT efficient with their UNICEF meal rations.  That’s where the second benefit comes in.  It would raise awareness of world hunger and the need for recycling.  Hell, those skinny kids with flies around their heads on T.V. would be made a thing of the past if they all just went Uni-pede.  I plan on getting surgically connected to my own asshole in the near future.  I have some preparations to take care of first, however.  I need to get a LASER hair removal on my genitals so I don’t have a pubic goatee.  I, especially, need to have my ass hair and anal rim pubes zapped since my lips will be grafted to my sphincter.   I will also need to accustomize myself to taking my food through a tube up my nose that drains into my stomach since my mouth will be rendered inoperative.  I am also starting yoga classes to limber up.  In the position my body will be in it will require not only extreme flexibility but if I expect to be mobile I’ll need to learn to walk on my hands since my legs will be kicked up over my shoulders to facilitate mouth/ass contact.  I’ll keep you updated on the progress.  Rusty, out.

BUNNY RABBIT RAPIST

When I was about 13 years old my parents bought a white bunny rabbit.  In the garage, a cage had been put together that was about 6” wide x 6” long x 4” high and constructed of just 2x4’s and chicken wire.  In the cage was hay for bedding, the feeding bowl, a water suckle bottle and . . . that god damn rapist of a bunny.  Its pink eyes pulsating with anxious erotic anticipation.  Its brilliant white fur prickling as the muscle and skin beneath it shuttered at the thought of the sexual assault it was about to commit.  Its victim?  Its victim was me.  I was raped repeatedly as a child by my sadistic albino bunny.   His name was LUCIUS, which was NOT a name given by me, but rather by my parents, and which I can only assume he was named after the Roman Republic dictator Lucius Cornelius Sulla.  Lucius, however, told me, on repeated occasions, in bunny speak, that I was to address him only by the name LUSCIOUS after, as he put it, his “lusciously fat bunny cock.”  Now, as absurd as the name Luscious is for a bunny to name itself, I have to admit the bunny WAS fairly well endowed, but that’s beside the point.  The fact is that Luscious was a RAPIST! 

                My parents never paid attention to the bunny after they had purchased it.  They must have assumed I would enjoy having a bunny in the house as it added to the spectrum of trapped animals in our domestic zoo such as our cats, gerbils, fish, dogs, etc.  Eventually, being the kind-hearted soul that I am, I became concerned that my parent’s inattentiveness towards the bunny would lead to it starving and dying.  I decided to be the caretaker of yet another pet project; no pun intended.  So every day I fed it and refilled the water, which was easily done from outside the cage.  The problem came when I had to perform the weekly hay bedding change.  This involved entering the cage.  

                When I entered the cage to change the bedding is when the bunny went into action.  I had to bag up the old hay in order to replace it.  This required staying in there for about five minutes.  The bunny was instantly drawn towards my hairy exposed legs.  My calves represented the pulsating and glisteningly wet vagina of a horny female bunny just aching for a thick serving of bunny red rocket to get shoved in it.  Luscious assumed the “hugging hump” position on my calf and started rubbing one out, literally, with his “lusciously fat bunny cock.”  In the beginning I was repulsed by this and worked quickly, in a panic, and constantly kept moving to prevent the violation.  The only problem with that was that it resulted in a half assed job and I would need to go in there more frequently.  So, like any good serially raped victim I resolved to just let it happen and go with it.  After awhile I would enter and just let Luscious go at my leg with fervor and bust his bunny load all over my ankles.  I even began to look forward to it after awhile.  I got a sick sort of pleasure out of seeing him dry thrusting and quivering at just the look of me when I came into the garage.  He loved me, he really loved me, like no other animal I’ve ever known.  Soon I craved the attention and intensity of the Luscious’ sexual desire.  His pent up bunny balls coughing up a full thimble’s worth of Easter jizz was what made the end of my week complete.  Sadly, Luscious died of natural causes or blue balls from a two week vacation we took.   I would be lying if I didn’t say that I missed that little rapist after he was gone.