PETRIFIED PIMPIN'

Lately, I have let you in on some of my business ventures (TECHNICOLOR MIDGETS 20AUG2011, SOPHISTICATED CANNIBALISM 31OCT2011, PROFESSIONAL QUADRIPLEGIC CAT JACKER 22OCT2011, etc.) around the world that help keep me so rich.  I tend to fund the more unusual and odd ventures so that I can capitalize on unknown and untapped markets for making money.  My latest money making scheme involves becoming a partial financier in the Chicago, IL. (U.S.), Milwaukee, WI. (U.S.) and Madrid, Spain pimping circuits.  I have always admired pimps for their work ethic.  It’s not easy to regulate and manage multiple “bitches and/or hoes” while simultaneously ensuring that bitches “betta have yo’ money” as is so eloquently stated in the pimpin trade (or in Madrid, “Las Perras deben tener mi dinero.”  The problem with the standard pimping circuit is that the game is played out.  Macs gotta stretch their legs and bitches just ain’t the same bitches no moh.  So, I gathered together a few of my pimp associates and we hashed out a plan to develop a new and unexplored market; an untapped resource if you will.  We are going to tap the vast necrophiliac underground.  Those members of society who have been shunned or even arrested because they want to fuck dead women, guys, goats, muskrats, road kill, ducks, whatever, as long as it’s deceased… will have an outlet for their pent up sexual desires.  Why should you have to settle for cheating on your wife with a whore who’s heart’s still beating!  I say, that’s unfair, and to be honest, it’s borderline lifest….that’s right, I said it,  LIFEST.  So what if you’re dead, should you be discriminated against by the living for who you are?! Hell no!  Sorry I’m getting off on a tangent.  I just get a little worked up because as you know I used to date and almost married a zombie chick once (MY ZOMBIE LATINA, 10OCT2011), so you can imagine I have a soft spot for the dead.    Well, as this plan is still in the works and I don’t want to be trumped by some other necrophiliac pimp entrepreneur this is where I’ll leave this discussion until the follow up post. Keep that pimp hand strong!